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Monday
Apr222013

Back to Basics, Pt. 1.5: Panty Pros vs. Panty Pas 

A continuation of last week’s gathered panty primer brings us today’s installment, Back to Basics Pt. 1.5: Panty Pros vs. Panty Pas. What are panty pros? What are panty pas? Allow me to explain. And give examples. With pics!

A panty pro is a gathered method or technique employing the use of a panty to support, control, protect, enhance, or seduce.

A panty pas (pronounced panty “pah”, as in faux pas) is an ungathered failure to employ panty pro know-how, resulting in panty fails and various wardrobe malfunctions, i.e. panty lines, wedgies, bunching, rolling, sagging... fail, Fail, FAIL!

Observant fashionistas will be nodding their heads by now as they have seen panty pros and pas because it is very real out here in these streets in real life time and again. With caution, you can avoid this and be known for being a pro, not making faux pas! Here is a list of 6 panty pros to employ and panty pas to avoid. It’s a great list of dos and donts when making your underwear selection for an outfit.

1. Panty Pas: Visible Panty Lines  vs. Panty Pro: Invisible Panty Lines 

Horrors! Visible panty lines, or VPLs, show up when panties have been selected to go with a fabric that is more elastic or lighter weight (jersey, jersey knit, matte jersey, light cotton blend, some polyesters, etc.). The way the fabric of the clothing lies along the lines of the body showcases the imprint of your panties perfectly. Fight this! 
Obviously, we're looking for invisible panty lines, ones that contour to the body, are comfortable, and lend a little shaping to that rear end are ideal, but at the very least, panties shouldn't show. We want to give the world a chance to notice our world-class curves. See what I mean? 

 

2. Panty Pas: Whale Tail vs. Panty Pro: Panties invisible above the waistband!  No orcas or humpbacks in pants. 

Noooooo! This is the perfect storm of fashion fails comprised of:

1) The rise of your pants and the rise of your panties do not match.

2) Your jeans may be too small in the seat.

3) The cut of the pants don't flow with your curves.

4) You may need a belt to hold the pants at the correct point on your waist.

To combat this, wear hipster or other low rise panties, but first make sure that your pants fit by "sit testing" them when you try them on. Bottom line: no panty choice can help when sitting down gives you a case of plumber's butt. Avoid crack, ladies... it kills! Make excellent fashion your drug of choice like these fashionistas... 

 3. Panty Pas: Panties bunching above the waistband vs. Panty Pro: Panties invisible above the waistband.

This one is another case of rise being the issue. Granny panties can be useful under long flowy skirts or for that time of the month perhaps, but employ judgement about the rise of the pants or skirt you wear when you're going to wear higher rise panties like classic panties and control panties. 

4. Panty Pas: Color or pattern of panties visible through clothes vs. Panty Pro: panties invisible through clothes. 
 Under white or transparent fabrics, underwear can easily become a peepshow for pervs. Don't help them along by picking the wrong panties! 
1) DO NOT wear white underwear under white. It looks like you're waiting for the wet t-shirt contest to begin. And you're probably not. Instead, wear nude or black underwear. 
2) For super transparent fabrics, add layers by wearing a boyshort or slip. Again, choose nude or black. 
5. Panty Pas: Panties not supporting tummy or mid-section vs. Panty Pro: Panties supporting and controlling tummy
Um... I'm pretty sure that "lovely lady lumps" was mostly meant figuratively. What are you doing, accentuating the negative and downplaying the positive? Panties are a basic way to control and support some of those mid-section areas that does not include turning blue and fainting from holding your breath and "sucking in" like granny used to do. It's a no-brainer. Buy some control panties and higher rise types to pair with structured and tailored pieces. There's a whole world out there, and Spanx is only the beginning, although a favorite with a lot of gathered celebs.
6. Panty Pas: Wedgies, camel toes, moose knuckles and other uncomfortable nonsense vs. Panty Pro: Panties that fit!  

I know. You looked at this one, and said... panties that fit? Revolutionary. What a grand finale. But it really is, ya know? For some reason, many ladies buy their panties too small. I have no idea why they would do something like that besides vanity, but the truth is, no one knows what size undies you wear. If a pair shrinks, is stretched, or fails in some other way, it needs to be replaced. Gained some weight? Don't be afraid to march right into somebody's store and buy some bigger undies. It's just not worth the wedgie... or the camel toe... or whatever will plague you! Let your bottom be smooth and wedgie free. 

 

 

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